Brigette and Tony - Beneath the Book’s Cover

Tony Ryan - Friday, April 21, 2006

I have for a long time wanted to write a specific piece about women and cosmetic surgery. A recent discussion has prompted me to do it now. I have been attending a spiritual dance class where I have met many women who differ in personality and looks greatly to the models I photograph.

Most did not know of what I did with my life and certainly were not aware of this website. When I showed 3 members of the class the photos on the site they were very confronted by them. In particular they were adversely affected by shots of a model called Brigette.

The shots themselves are very beautifully photographed I believe. However Brigette has had a very obvious breast surgery and does have a certain resemblance to Pamela Anderson. I believe that my friends from dance class allowed Brigette's appearance to block their minds to both the photo and the concepts on the site about mental health and spirituality.

I mentioned this to Brigette and asked her to write a philosophy for the site that might address the reaction my friends had. Brigette's first submission I felt was not true to the heart that I felt in her when we met. My impression was that she was a deeply sensitive person who perhaps used her appearance and certain achievements and activities to mask certain fears and perceived inadequacies that she had. In reality I feel Brigette to be at least as equally sensitive and spiritual as the women from my dance class.

In fact my general feeling is that many models, actors, dancers and prostitutes are highly intelligent and spiritual people. Many of them put up personality fronts that may hide this depth but I have found women in these groups to be some of the most challenging and inspiring people I have met.

Anyway I decided to send Brigette an email with my opinion that her first submission was covering something up. I was very scared to do this and expected to get a very strong email back. To my pleasant surprise Brigette sent the following words back to me.[Tony]

8/3/06

Hi Tony,
thank you for your response, I think what you said is very true in many ways. I am strong but I have made myself strong in many areas because I don’t ever want to go through what my dad went through. I find it easier and more secure being alone. My mother and father had a horrible and violent relationship and I have been through three very similar relationships. I think that now I tend to make myself even busier so I don’t feel susceptible to loneliness. I think when the right man walks into my life I will slow down a little and discover the rest of myself. I have endeavoured to find myself through travel, sports and activities and have protected myself from love. My father has been going through one horrific relationship after another for 30 years and as he is my best friend this has been incredibly hard for me.
I got my breasts done after I was in a relationship for 2 years living with a guy I almost got engaged to. I found out that he was having a relationship with my best friend. So now that I think about all this the surgery was most likely to make me feel a little better about myself. After an experience like that it is hard to understand why someone does not love you enough to just be with you and why they would deceive you. Anyway, I am not feeling very positive about men at the moment and I think it influences the way I am conducting my life. I will write a bit more when I am in the right frame of mind.

I replied to Brigette how much her honesty had moved me and encouraged her to keep searching. I also suggested that sometimes our own fears can affect those we love to reject us and themselves at times. Overall Brigette has kept a very busy life full of achievement. I also suggested that perhaps she could slow down a little and face her emotions. The following are some of the responses that I received.

9/3/06
Tony, your e mail reached deep down inside me and bought up honesty and hurt that I had been suppressing. It was distressing at first but then exhilarating , to talk about it and acknowledge and deal with the pain. Thank you for taking the time to look deeper into me.I don’t open up to many people , hence my outer strength and defence. However it feels very much a relief and comfort opening up to you,.I have felt that most people are unsafe to show weakness too. I feel very comforted by your awareness, concern and honesty.
10/3/06
Unfortunately I have to run out the door, but I have so much to share about your e mail. Since I sat down and wrote the other night I have felt very emotional. Weak but strong in other ways and very vulnerable. kind of not sure what I want now . . . its very interesting, I have slowly opened my heart to my mind again and now I feel all upside down! I cry at the push of a button but not sure why and i don’t feel like getting up and doing my usual day. Just feel like surfing in order to take time out to reflect. Also when you mentioned the girls were bagging my breasts I felt I had to write a message of strength. So that strongly influenced my first writing. It feels better now to write what I really feel, thanks.

I didn't hear from Brigette for a while and believed that she had most probably gone back to concentrating on her material life once again. I have much compassion and understanding for this. It is so hard to be born sensitive and to have been hurt. It is very hard as an adult to look at your life and dissect what is from the heart and what has been conditioned through hurt and fear. I believe that for Brigette to look at her aesthetic appearance and her life activities with such honesty took great courage.

To be adored by so many as a model and sex symbol is a very ego empowering thing. You can start to believe that you are fully happy and that it is from your heart. To dissect your life and to be honest about what is real is incredibly difficult. In a way Brigette would have to put her faith in her heart which is something most of us have enormous difficulty in doing.

For my friends in the dance class I would say to not be so quick to judge Brigette or even Pamela Anderson. They are not intending to make your lives harder. They too are sensitive women who have dealt with life's conditioning to the best of their ability. They too have felt victimised by life and have done what they have done in order to best survive.

Just a few days ago I received another 2 emails from Brigette and it is with these that I would like to finish this piece. I am very empowered by Brigette's journey and trust she will add much more wisdom to this site.

5/4/06
Hi Tony,
I sit with a clear mind, well as clear as it prevails during exams. I have been thinking about all I have dug up. Its funny because I have never been depressed after a break up in my life.It made me more motivated then ever which explains my hectic activities when I am single. Definitely trying to move forward too quick without mourning and reflecting on what happened in the relationship and how it relates to my person. My last 3 relationships involved my partner repetitively physically and verbally stating to me how worthless I was. Thus after each of them I have tried to retain my worth through many material and physical methods, but none emotional as my emotions were shattered. That is probably why I went for the same kind of guy over and over. I realise talking with you that I must let my emotions prevail everyday and especially in times of hurt. Then listen and feel my inner self and ultimately understand my emotions and tend to my hearts needs, so I am a better person for myself…ultimately a happier person. Hopefully this attracts more secure people around me and of course my own soul partner. I feel it is now time I focus on opening up and projecting my energy and love out there. Then I may start to get closer to finding the one. I would also hope that opening up will bring amazing people along the way who may help strengthen this part of me. In return I hope I can give people a better part of me, not just a face and body. But I feel this is not overnight as my everyday activities and some negative people in my life make it very difficult for me to relax. As you said maybe taking a little time each day out to write or meditate will help. Surfing definitely does. I feel major changes coming as I start to feel lonely again through my days. When I leave home I seem to let my heart out for a little look as I think about having love in my life again. It feels good but scary still too. Maybe I need a lot more time with myself first before entering life from another angle.? All I know is I have to learn to listen to myself a lot more and be open to my emotions and find happiness from the inside. I have been getting glimpses of this lately as I am not so focused on the non-living parts of life. Thanks for taking the focus off my exterior and putting it on my interior. It has made me question everything I do, act and portray. Even though I am feeling estranged at that moment from my normal life and its motivations, I feel my new doubts, opinions, thoughts and directions, will hopefully help change my priorities to give my life more depth.

11/04/06
I suppose the key is to pass on all that is learnt! I will be doing so with my friends. I am looking forward to reading the final philosophy you put together. Its funny you should say that it is a good idea to read back over my own words from time to time. I already have read them 3 times since I last text you. Each time I read them I add more to it in my mind and understand and almost solve my life and my self more and more. It is almost like reading a self learning or positive thinking or spiritual healing book! But better because it is about myself written by myself and by someone close who understands me, and has an outside unbiased caring view! I have been having nightmares lately, but last night I had amazing dreams? Hopefully its part of dealing with my fears…. Talk soon!

28/3/07

The Continual Journey of a Woman

The other day a young teacher, Danielle sent me an email after having read this website. She said Brig's philosophy and honesty brought her to tears. I mentioned this in an email to Brig and this was her response. [Tony]

Good morning, I just climbed out of bed and thought I better check my e
mails as I had not done so for a week. wow! My day has already begun in an
amazing way and I feel so warmed and content...and its not the green tea.

Thank you for sending this girls words. It feels great to have inspired
someone to recognise and share her battle and triumphs. It seems like she
has lived and learned that of a 40 year old. Pretty brave and amazing gir.
Those around her and under her teaching seem lucky to have her
experience and love in there life. [The lady who Brig refers to is a teacher]

I think when you go through a bout of
self realistaion it really makes you see others who are struggling with
there own insecurities or barriers. You see them miss out on a lot of life
and love around them but most of all miss out on enjoying themselves. I have
found since all our talks that I am not so on edge.I rarely feel anger, stress or
frustration. I think that finding yourself brings contentment and true
happiness and makes you address life with a lot more compliance.

I have now
brought great people and opportunities into my life. I think maybe because
people feel the love, laughter and compassion I have grown within and its
slowly escaping. I have a great man in my life now who was there all along
as you know. I think my arrogance of not letting people into my life just in
case they got in my way stopped me from indulging in such great
companionship.

But in saying all this, I am still very busy with life as I
am back at uni and still have barriers to break down. I am far from perfect
and still have many a lands inside head, heart and soul to be discovered.
But since our words I have definitely come a long way in enjoying myself and
exploring my depths and also in destroying my defensive exterior. I have also found
happiness, fun, love and contentment in the simplest things inside me and
around me.

When I wake, I wake with my man, my puppy dog, my horse and my
snakes and have breakfast in my garden with all these best friends.

 

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