Fear of Loss

Tony Ryan - Tuesday, May 03, 2011

I often think about the fear of loss that I believe I and many others live by. Was just talking on the phone with my Mum and she inspired me to look into the subject again. She is a very sensitive woman but for much of her life has lived in fear in her relationships. A few years ago it got to the point where she would become very cold in any situation that involved her feeling uncomfortable.

She and Dad are about to go on a trip to Sydney and I was sensing that she was stressed over it. On reflection she realised that she was carrying stress as to things that could possibly go wrong. I suggested to her that many people live in fear and that we react to fear in different ways. Some become dominant and some hesitant. However in all situations where fear is present people act at less than their most efficient capacity.

As such Mum’s stress over things going wrong could be based on very real situations. Our society rarely gives sacred service and I also feel that in general relationships we are often emotionally cold due to the stress we perceive and have experienced in relationship. However because we do in many instances perceive loss or discomfort we are carrying a restricting and protective wall much of the time in life.

In my photography I regularly encounter people putting their protective walls up to the camera. They place great importance on the result and fear the photograph not looking how they wish it to look. So they are perceiving loss and generally experience images that are not inspiring because they have distorted both their physical and emotional selves.

My Mum has also provided a good example of this. Being older she has not been raised in the computer generation. I have brought her a computer and an internet connection. For the first year she was having continual issues with the computer and the internet. As it was I have had to replace 2 computers and 2 internet modems. I believe it is the mind over matter scenario. She so feared and expected the computer not to work properly that it froze.

I have suggested to Mum that this is true of all of life. That our power of mind and emotion does in many or most instances shape what we create materially in life. I think this also gets back to a basic human fear which is rejection. Most of us have been hurt and disappointed by people close to us. It has conditioned us to not trust and to expect loss and hurt. However every relationship has a dual creative energy.

If one person is blocked and restricted it is likely to affect the other person. Once again gets back to photography. If photographer or model is fearful or blocked the other often feels intimidated by the energy. In Mum’s case she has always had a powerful energy and has not only polarised computers but also people to often reject her.

I believe that I have over my life taken on much of my Mum’s fear of loss. However for the past few years we have both worked hard to bring awareness to our feelings of loss and vulnerability. To accept when we feel intimidated or uncomfortable and to resist the tempation to become cold and protective.

In this way we have brought knowledge and freedom to the things we have stored as fear. Gradually this is enabling us to bring a deeper purpose to our relationships. I believe that in general life should be about creating as much joy and fulfillment as possible. By taking the risk to be vulnerable we can transform fear into inspiring experiences.

 

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