I am always pondering my moods and life in general. I have been away on a long holiday near the beach and on returning to Melbourne have been feeling very dis oriented.
There were a few specific things that I could pinpoint as bringing me down but the bulk seemed very unconscious. I just know I am not totally happy and want to change this. So this morning I decided to pretend I was the director/producer of a movie and that the movie is my life.
I went through all the things I would change about my present life to make my movie life perfect at least for me. It really got me to come closer to acknowledging where I am frustrated in my life. I realized that I am feeling isolated from meaningful relationships and that I am also frustrated with an inability to make things happen in my working life. Overall I am lacking the purpose in my life that in my opinion my heart desires me to follow.
Without going into all the things I intend to change and develop I can say that the process has already been empowering. I am now at least aware of where my melancholy feelings are stemming from. When all is said and done I do not believe any of us will ever be truly happy unless we are happy with ourselves. On the surface my life would look ok to most but I knew deep down it was not where it needed to be.
I believe many of us accept our lives as they are. We gradually give up on heart desires and end up living in comfort zones that are based on society expectation rather than what our hearts really had planned for us. The thing is no matter how materially or society stereotype successful we may become happiness is still likely to elude us unless our path has been in line with our heart destiny.
Recently in Australia we have had various reports of high achievers who have experienced depression. Further more than 50% of the models I have worked with have had some form of depression or anxiety disorder. I believe so few of us ever stop to ask the really deep questions about our lives. Usually it takes some sort of disaster to shake us out of our comfort zones.
For me the movie question has really helped. I am figuring that it has helped me to jump to action before my body and/or mind broke under the strain of an unfulfilled heart. At an intuitive level I actually feel that in many ways we do have control over our lives. That in a way we can have the movie that we desire. However for this movie to be a blockbuster for our own sanity we must be sure that the script is being written from the right place.