Tessa’s Thoughts

Tony Ryan - Friday, February 17, 2006

I am an only child and growing up, went to many different schools all over the world. I have noticed that years of never having any stable friendships have taken a toll on who I am as a person. I am always wary of what people are thinking of me. Am I good enough to be someone’s friend? Will they think I am a loser? I often pondered why I thought these things. Does everyone have these thoughts? As I grow older I am more aware of who I am inside and therefore how other people must be. I was always so selfish to think of what they were thinking about me, did they like me, how could I make them like me more. I never focused on trying to make myself a better person and therefore stop thinking about what other people thought.

Today I have realised that I have taken a step closer in realising who I am. I decided on a self experiment: try not to judge people. This has opened my mind in realising how interesting people can be and how I don’t care of what they think of me anymore. I love talking to people who I would have once categorised as someone inferior to me. People and their experiences are so interesting and even the most unassuming person can have the most fantastic stories to tell. However, I still catch myself judging people. 22 years of un-training my mind is harder than I thought.

6 weeks ago I underwent a breast augmentation. I had a deformity of my breasts which added to my insecurities as a child immensely. Not only did I have a social problem, I had a physical problem which added to my self doubt. Since my surgery I feel like I have changed from a girl into a woman, not just in a physical sense but in a metaphorical sense too. It has helped me develop more mature thoughts and feelings and I feel that my ability not to judge people has come from this. I don’t know how, but it has. My breasts have given me to push I needed to feel more confident and to love myself more. I am not ashamed of them and will freely admit this to anyone who asks. I think sometimes we need a little help in achieving the things that we long for. I am lucky because I longed for bigger breasts so people would accept me, but now that I have breasts, I care not of people accepting me, but for me not to judge them. Its amazing the things that can happen when you least expect it.

I hope my story can inspire someone to open their minds and not to judge others. I feel that the ability not to judge is a gift that no one else can give you but yourself.

Love,
Tess

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