I woke this morning and had no idea it was Valentines Day. I was having a phone conversation with my mother and at the end of the conversation told her that I loved her both in my soul and now also in my mind and actions.
To explain I have always loved my mother but at times have not had a perfectly smooth relationship. In fact many times I have felt guilt for not giving her the affection and warmth that I knew she craved for. I also consciously knew that she deserved my affection and was hurt at my inability to give my love to her.
For the past few years I have been working very hard at understanding my own emotions. I have been diligent in analyzing my moods to a point where I am gradually becoming a much more settled person. The more I have been able to understand myself the more freedom I am having to express my love to those closest to me. My own feelings of inner peace are opening my eyes to the beauty that my heart and soul have known about all along.
Today when I told my mother about my complete love, both mind and soul, she cried and we commenced a very deep discussion about love in general. Mum remarked how strange it was that on today of all days we were talking of love. To this point I was unaware that it was Vday and woke up to the irony that it was today that I finally verbalised my full love for my mother.
I believe that my father also loves my mother in his soul but is yet to fully realise this love in his mind and actions. He is an amazing person with an incredibly deep heart but he also has some fears that he is yet to fully understand.
I believe that many of us are also yet to fully connect to our souls. As such we are less than fully aware of the people and things that we truly love. To me love is the appreciation of beauty and is a gift best accessed when we appreciate the beauty within ourselves first.
If we are insecure in ourselves we are more often than not motivated by what we think we need from life. As such when we find someone or something that we think we need we become dependant upon this person and thing for our very survival. In my opinion this is not real love. How can we love only for what we think we need from the object of our love?
When we approach a feeling of security we start to see beauty everywhere. It is at these times that we most are able to love another person. It is at these times, when we know that we need nothing, that we truly see and feel beauty in others. To me Valentines Day should be a celebration of beauty and our own freedom from the fear and doubt that limits our capacity to love.
The only other thought I have about today is with regards to Gender Balance, something I have already written about earlier. My first thought about today is that it is a female oriented day. Perhaps this is my own delusional instict although I have a hunch there are many other guys out there with a similar feeling.
Given that the day is about Love then I believe it should be embraced by both sexes equally. Love to me is a soul feeling and should have nought to do with gender, need or convenience. In modern society it appears that it can be a less than manly emotion to openly express that you love. As an Australian male in 2005 I would like to state that for mine love is the ultimate reality and strength.